“Throw it out”, my wife says. “Just get rid of it once and for all!”
I know she’s right…but I love it too. I may not have time to play anymore, but there still lives an all too real soft spot, if not a weak spot. My love affair with video games all started with PONG. We, 40 something guys, are a unique bunch; we were the first to exit the shopping mall video arcade and settle in front of the den TV clutching a most powerful tool. And now in the 2000s, the cord has been cut. No, we haven’t quit. Some of us still enjoy holding a controller from time to time, it’s just cordless nowadays. And now, as Dads, we can pass these ever-evolving stick skills on. Sitting in front of that hulking wooden den TV, we could have never imagined.
It began as so much fun. Plopping my 5-year-old on my lap and playing “Hot Wheels: Beat That!” was pure glory. I steered, he fired the rockets. When he grew, he did the same for his little brother. Things progressed (or deteriorated, using hindsight) to the point that the three of us could play together. Madden games were hard-fought, but with the cheering crowd behind us we’d always win the big one. Father and son (and son) bonding. I was on top of the world. Touchdown!
I don’t hear the crowds anymore. No sizzling rockets assuring a first-place finish.
In fact, my XBOX services are no longer required, or I must admit, no longer wanted. My sons, now 11 and 8, live for Friday nights. Formerly known as “Family Movie Night”, Fridays have become that oasis of fun within the desert of academia, the light at the end of the… you catch my drift. After a tough week of school, my honor rollers finally have the opportunity to play video games free of parental constraints. They love it. They love it way too much.
Saturday mornings come around and my boys are oh so happy to take the football field. A real live football field, like outside, I can smell the grass. Combined they put up some awesome stats. Four touchdowns throwing, two scores receiving and a one game-winning interception return. Their faces beam. As a proud coach and dad, my eyes begin to fill with tears of pride (but I dare not cry, my wife won’t stand for it. Hey, I hit forty and somehow became a crier). Elation all around, I collect their mouthpieces and can’t wait to discuss the highlights and review what we captured on video.
Then it happens, “Dad, can we play XBOX when we get home?” I sink, knowing I am the Dr. Frankenstein who created these gaming monsters. “Is that all you care about, guys? I mean, this is the real thing, a real game…the real outdoors!” Nothing replaces that screen. This is a scary reality. My wife doesn’t get off scot-free; she’s played a part in this growing… I can say it, I can say it…addiction. We’ve both been guilty of sending them downstairs to play. How else can we get anything done? XBOX ONE has logged its fair share of babysitting hours.
Yes, we do set limits. No Xbox during the school week. The use of a timer is now mandatory. But no matter the limits, the love is ever-present. Talking to some students at my school, we’re not weakest parents. Some of my students even consider our constraint tactics cruel and unusual; a hint we’re doing something right. Yet still, the games dominate my boys’ thoughts, even when they’re not playing. My all-time low came when I discovered that my eldest, Boogie Down, was sneaking to watch videos of other people playing the video game he wanted to be playing. And it’s not all car races and Madden anymore, they’re shooting aliens now and doing it with the right weapon is of premium importance. I was disgusted and knew I had to act. Throw it out! Just get rid of it… I’m not ready for such measures yet. So final. So lasting. So permanent. This machine wasn’t cheap. We can manage it. Right?
I decided to school them on the dangers of excessive video game screen time. First I had to school myself. We then talked, or I talked. Social isolation, violence, feelings of aggression, the changes to the brain regarding attention… (Check out- http://www.raisesmartkid.com/3-to-6-years-old/4-articles/34-the-good-and-bad-effects-of-video-games, for a balanced view. More recently, http://www.pcadvisor.co.uk/feature/digital-home/how-much-screen-time-is-healthy-for-children-benefits-3520917/ ). Boogie and Big Deal listened politely, but this was going to take more than a lecture. I must be careful of making them numb to my words, the teenage years are coming fast (actually it may already be too late, they’re exhibiting some numbness around the eyes). So I decided to do this on their terms—descending to the basement, their home turf, we watched a video.
“China’s Web Junkies”, a documentary by filmmakers Shosh Shlam and Hilla Medalia, takes a candid look at how some parents in China are handling video game/Internet addiction in their homes. Extreme cases, indeed. Hard to imagine any of my boys at 17 hold up in some Internet café so long that a diaper is required. I’ll withhold all judgments until the glorious day comes that I can claim parental success. At times, Boogie, Big Deal and I shuddered at the strong language and quivered at the drab appearance of this boot camp setting. We were struck by the sadness. Confined teens and their families struggled to find common ground, their problems seemed deeper than ours, but who knows. My boys and I hit “pause” and talked, pressed “fast forward” and talked some more. I found myself listening more than anything as my guys shared their thoughts about the addiction they were seeing and the sterile, love-starved approach to help these young lives. They acknowledged the addiction is real and found commonalities, in part, with some of those sad testimonials. We walked away feeling thankful that we had each other. Through honest communication, we agreed, we can work through anything.
If nothing else, my sons better understand the dangers of loving something that doesn’t have a pulse and a heartbeat too much. And while they still love to play, they at least are not as resentful of the limitations set. They’ve even exhibited less huffing and puffing when it’s time to rise from the basement depths and rejoin the real world. Things seem to be evening out some, they at least wait to leave the ball field before they inquire; sometimes they even grab a book and read before “popping the question”. Ah yes, all is well… at least until the next big video game release date.
Like any addiction, we take it “one day at a time”. I am not so foolish to think that I’ve heard the last of the demands, Throw it out! Just get rid of it… That will always remain on the table, as it should.
Sources:
China’s Web Junkies. Dir. Shosh Shlam and Hilla Medalia. 2013. Documentary. Web
"The Positive and Negative Effects of Video Games." Raise Smart Kids. N.p., 2016. Web. 02 Nov. 2016.
Jary, Simon. "Why You Should Reduce Your Kids Screen Time." PC Advisor. N.p., n.d. Web. 02 Nov. 2016.